Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
