I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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