you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just google imaged poop.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
