I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
