tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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