My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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