I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
