oh god the rape fog is back!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
