no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
