I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
