I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
