I want to make a zoo with you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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