Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
