She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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