After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
that may or may not have been my penis.
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