thus making me awesome and them whores
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
