OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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