That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
