i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is wine microwaveable?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
