but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
