Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
