Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
