How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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