he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
