At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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