i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
