he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
