they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
