So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
