woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
