The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
