"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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