he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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