You can't special order awesome
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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