So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
