I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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