I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
