somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
