The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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