my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
