We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
