I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
