Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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