oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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