you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
