where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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