every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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