Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
