Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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