I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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